Ah, “Mom Guilt.” Those two words together pack more emotional punch than a double shot of espresso after an all-nighter with a teething toddler. If I had a dollar for every time a fabulous lady, like yourself, mentioned feeling that nagging guilt while dreaming of something more and chasing your dreams, I’d probably be lounging on my private island right now. But instead, I’m here, sipping on my lukewarm coffee (because who gets to drink coffee hot these days?) and ready to dish out some life-altering wisdom.
Imagine this: You’re at your favorite coffee joint, ready to savor that beautifully crafted, frothy cappuccino. As you’re about to take the first sip, in barges ‘Mr. Mom Guilt,’ shoving a stale cup of instant coffee in your hand, muttering about how you should be content with that and forget the fancy-schmancy cappuccino dreams. Excuse me, Mr. Mom Guilt, but who invited you to the party?
But let’s get one thing straight. The issue isn’t the instant coffee, nor is it the dreamy cappuccino. It’s the uninvited pressure we, especially as mothers, put on ourselves, thinking that dreaming beyond diapers and Dora the Explorer is somehow an act of selfish rebellion. Let’s be real, if choosing to chase your dreams (or a relaxing spa day) is rebellious, then consider me your partner-in-crime!
So, why is it that, even in the 21st century, where we have women conquering the realms of space, leading nations, and pioneering breakthroughs, we still grapple with the idea that a mother can, and should, have aspirations beyond the realms of parenthood? It’s like somewhere along the journey, amidst the baby showers and the late-night lullabies, we’ve packed away our dreams and aspirations in an old attic trunk, labeling it “To be opened when the kids go to college.”
Ladies, the time to break that trunk open is not in some distant future; it’s now. Because while being a mother is a glorious, life-altering journey, it isn’t the only journey. It’s one of the many beautiful paths we tread in the grand adventure of life.
Before we embark on this enlightening escapade of unpacking the ‘Mom Guilt,’ let’s establish something fundamental. Having dreams, aspirations, or simply craving some ‘me-time’ doesn’t make you any less of a devoted mother. If anything, showing your kiddos that mommy has dreams and, more importantly, is chasing them, isn’t just aspirational; it’s downright inspirational!
So, pop that kettle on, grab your coziest blanket, and let’s dive deep into understanding where this ‘Mom Guilt’ comes from, how we can manage it, and most crucially, how we can pursue our passions without a single shred of apology. Because darling, the world needs more unabashedly ambitious moms, and you’re one of them. Go grab that coffee cup (yes, I know it’s probably gone cold by now), and let’s get to the heart of the matter.
Origin of the ‘Mom Guilt
Our society, with all its leaps and bounds in progress, still has its pockets of age-old perceptions. You know, the ones that say moms should be self-sacrificing, endlessly patient saints. Historically, women were often confined to the domestic realm, with ambitions and dreams considered a luxury or sometimes even frivolous. And while today we proudly don the hats of CEOs, writers, scientists, and more, those ancient societal standards tend to lurk in the background, whispering sweet nothings of doubt.
But here’s the catch: you’re not just raising kids; you’re raising the next generation. By pursuing your passions, you’re laying down a powerful blueprint for them. You’re teaching them resilience, the beauty of ambition, and the art of juggling. And guess what? Sometimes, balls drop, and that’s okay! It’s all part of the circus act we call life.
Perception vs. Reality
Social media doesn’t help, does it? Becky from high school seems to have it all sorted on Instagram with her perfect ‘mom-bun’, artisanal hand-crafted toys for her kids, and somehow, amidst all this, she’s also launching her artisanal line of organic, gluten-free, whispered-to-sleep pasta. Remember, social media is a highlights reel. Becky doesn’t show the meltdowns, the pasta that burned to the bottom of the pan, or the days she feels she’s coming apart at the seams. It’s essential to differentiate between curated online personas and real life.
Pursuing Passion Sans Apologies
When you step out to chase a dream or merely do something for yourself, it’s not about subtracting from your role as a mom; it’s about adding to your identity as a woman. Motherhood is one part of your multi-faceted, shimmering self. Just like we teach our kids that it’s okay to stumble, it’s equally important for them to see us rise, take charge, and passionately chase after what ignites our souls. When they see that, they don’t see a mother who is absent. They witness a role model who teaches them that life is limitless and that boundaries are often self-imposed.
In your journey, remember to seek support. Whether it’s from family, friends, or the fantastic community of like-minded women who’ve been there, done that. Sharing, as they say, is caring, but in this case, it’s also therapeutic! Talk about your ambitions, share your struggles, and celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
It’s essential to view your life not as separate compartments of ‘mom’ and ‘individual,’ but as a beautiful blend. Your dreams, desires, and aspirations don’t exist on an isolated island but co-exist harmoniously within the bustling metropolis of your life.
When the weight of “Mom Guilt” feels as heavy as that oversized diaper bag you used to lug around (you remember, the one that could double as a week-long travel bag?), it’s essential to remind ourselves that this feeling is not a life sentence. It’s a transient emotion that comes and goes, much like that inexplicable urge to eat chocolate at 2 am. The guilt is a concoction of societal norms, pressures, and our inner voice that sometimes tends to be overcritical.
One pivotal nugget of wisdom is the understanding that emotions aren’t permanent. Just like clouds, they change, shift, and eventually pass. The sky behind – your inner strength and resilience – remains constant. While it’s natural to feel this guilt, it’s also essential to question its origin. Is it coming from a genuine place of concern, or is it fueled by external perceptions and expectations? More often than not, you’ll find it’s the latter.
Another pearl to cherish: redefine success on your own terms. You see, in the vast tapestry of life, every thread counts. Some days, success is nailing a presentation at work. On others, it’s managing to get your little one to eat those greens. And sometimes, it’s just finding a moment for a hot cup of coffee amidst the chaos. The scales of life don’t always balance out daily. Sometimes it takes a week, a month, or even a year. But over time, you’ll find that harmony.
A gemstone that often gets overlooked: It’s not just about ‘me’ time; it’s about ‘quality me’ time. Ten minutes of doing something you utterly love can refuel you more than two hours of mindlessly scrolling through social media. Be it reading, meditating, dancing around your living room to 80s hits, or crafting, find that slice of joy and savor it.
But here’s the crown jewel of wisdom: self-compassion. Extend the same kindness to yourself as you would to a dear friend. If your friend came to you, expressing her feelings of guilt over pursuing a passion or taking some time off for herself, what would you tell her? Now, offer that advice, that understanding, and that tenderness to yourself.
Lastly, as you navigate this journey, remember to keep your compass calibrated to your inner voice. External voices will always have opinions – from the lady next door who raised her eyebrows when you mentioned going back to work to the distant aunt who can’t fathom why you’d want to dance or paint or write. But your voice, that soft, resilient whisper within, knows your path. Trust it. The world might try to box you into roles, but you’re not just any woman – you’re a force to be reckoned with. So, pull out that passion from the back burner, and serve it hot and fresh, without a side of guilt! You’ve got this!
I came across a heartwarming Ted Talk by Reshma Saujani who speaks of teaching girls bravery over perfection. It resonated deeply with the idea of navigating motherhood and personal aspirations. And if you’re ever looking for a community that gets it, the highs, the lows, and everything in between, dive into Motherly. It’s a space brimming with stories, insights, and the collective wisdom of mothers from around the world.
In the end, remember: the dance of life has its steps of triumph and moments of stumbling. But with every step, every twirl, and every leap, you’re crafting a legacy of love, resilience, and relentless pursuit of dreams. So, dance on, dreamer. The world is richer with your unique rhythm.
